Friday 9 March 2018


Sticking my bum in the air, paranoid that the guy behind could see my pants through my leggings, getting increasingly confused by my own breathing as we did mountain climbers for the fourth time, I thought, when is this meant to get relaxing?

Yoga at the Sky Garden seems like a wonderful idea. Views of the city, a relaxing workout and a dreamy sunrise photo-op should be the perfect start to any millennial’s Saturday, right? Wrong.

I’ll be honest, I mainly went for the Instagram photos. As yoga becomes increasingly #ontrend, the more imaginative the better. I wasn’t quite ready for Goat Yoga just yet, this was my ‘gentle start’, but a few minutes in, I realised this was going to be one very long hour.

Whilst laying on our backs, the instructor announced that we should all move into ‘wheel position’. The what? Now, I was in trouble. I couldn’t sit up to see the instructor doing her demonstration because that would just be awkward and show me up as a complete novice, but also, I hadn’t got a fucking clue what was going on.

So, I did the next best thing, peering around at my classmates to try and work out the pose…only to find they were all doing different things. THANKS GUYS.

I ended up improvising with a sort of, holding my bum off the ground whilst laying down, super flattering on the double chin type move, whilst the instructor smiled down at me sympathetically.

“Just relax, locate any areas of the body that feel tense,”

Right okay. My left leg is a bit sore actually. Got it.

“And just breeaaathhe into that part of the body,”

Breathe into it? Breathe into my leg? I really did try. Leaning my body slightly to the left as if to guide the air down from my lungs (because apparently that’s a thing) before coming to the sensible conclusion that you just can’t breathe into your fucking leg can you? And no, I still wasn’t finding any of this relaxing.

“Just breeeathe, feel the Earth beneath you,”

I am literally at the top of a skyscraper 500ft in the air, I couldn’t be much further away from the Earth if I tried. I got up at 5am to come here and have a relaxing time and I am honestly feeling so attacked right now.

After an hour of heavy breathing, weird chanting and trying my best to be the insta-blogger babe I’d always wanted to be, I ordered some scones in the overpriced cafĂ©, went home and got straight back into bed. Now that is my idea of relaxing.


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